Finding Your Mate God's Way
[Or Resisting The Pied Piper Of Dating
by Richard St.James
... a Message from the Messenger
Bible 1611.Com / Sluice Box Adventures.com / Old Paths Baptist
Mission © 2011
There are many lives have been ruined by this century’s adoption of
the practice of dating. The broken marriages, the broken families …
are the curse of dating. God’s ideal pattern of how a person should
find their mate is based on sound scriptural principles. Do you want
God’s blessing in your marriage?
• Questioning The Authority
• The Pied Piper Comes To Town
• The Children Left To Themselves Are Spoiled
• Set Your Heart Aright
• Dating Your Purity Away to Your Destruction
• God’s Master Plan
• The Bible Path To Betrothing
Finding Your Mate God’s Way! (Or Resisting The Pied Piper Of Dating)
If we have
"set" our
"hope in God," it is because we believe
"the
words" that come from God's mouth. The Holy Bible is the pure word
of God, and is
"purely" preserved in our English language in the
Authorized Version of 1611.
"The words of the LORD are pure words:
as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever."
[Psalm12: 6-7]
"We
will not hide them" Vs.4, from our children. We must not, and for
this reason; so
"that the generation to come might know them" Vs.6.
In this message I want to preach on the dangers our children face if
they try to find their mate through the practice of
DATING. I want
to show from God's word some basic scriptural principles that will
show our young people how they can find their mate for life. I want
to show that
BETROTHING is the way, because it is The
LORDS way to
one finding their mate.
Now let me turn to you, young men, and let me turn to you, young
ladies. Have you ever felt that life has been too hard on you; that
maybe you haven't got all that you truly can get? I mean, look at
all those rules in your life that conspire to control you. Aren't
they just so many restrictions that have been deliberately placed on
you, and really are no good for you? After all, who knows better
what is good for you … except for you? Now, have your friends ever
piped that one to you? Come on now, someone has whispered this one
to you more than once, and maybe twice. Yea! How about, many times!
I. Questioning The Authority (Genesis 3:1-6)
“Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which
the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God
said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”
You have to
admit that more than once, and maybe twice, or maybe many times, you
have, in the quiet musings of the heart, from within yourself, heard
that voice. It begins by questioning the authorities in your life.
It is done like this. You first misquote them, or misrepresent them,
while you try to feel out this new friend that seems so peculiarly
irresistible to you … who is leading you off on some wild tangent
with such a BIG
QUESTION. YEA, HATH GOD SAID?
He now has your ear.
“And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the
trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the
midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither
shall ye touch it, lest ye die.” You answer your new friend with
something that is just a little less than the truth like Eve did. I
mean, you decide to embellish it a little with your own little
revision as to what The Authority said, by adding
“neither shall ye
touch it.”
"What is the harm?” you say. That is how our old heart
works.
“And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely
die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your
eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and
evil.” Now … you have been primed for this one. You are ready for a
whopping big lie, and it is exactly what you wanted to hear.
"The
God-given authorities in your life … are not there for your good!
Dating is good for you!"
Your new friend has piped to you a tune so
irresistible and so captivating that you swallow it all down into
the inner parts of the belly. After all … all your senses agree that
every thing your friend has ever told you … is the truth.
“And when
the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was
pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she
took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her
husband with her; and he did eat.” This account is six thousands
years old! (Watch out! Sin has a price that is higher than you will
ever want to pay.)
II. The Pied Piper Comes To Town
In the nineteenth century poem: The Pied Piper Of Hamelin by R.
Browning, we see the following scene. (For those of you who are
familiar with the story, the town of Hamelin was infested with rats,
and the city fathers were desperate for a solution.)
“Come in!" the mayor cried, looking bigger: And in did come the
strangest figure!
(I wonder who he might be?)
“His queer long coat from heel to head,
Was half of yellow and half of red; And he himself was tall and
thin, With sharp blue eyes each like a pin, And loose light hair,
yet swarthy skin, No tuft on cheek, nor beard on chin, But lips
where smiles went out and in--- There was no guessing his kith and
kin! And nobody could enough admire, The tall man and his quaint
attire.”
Quoth one,
“It’s as my great-grandsire, Starting up the Trump of
Doom’s tone, Had walked this way from his painted tombstone!” He
advanced to the council table: And, “Please your honors,” said he,
“I’m able, By means of a secret charm, to draw All creatures living
beneath the sun…”
And so goes the story! If you are willing to hire him, and have
agreed to pay the high price, he will perform you the services, that
will smooth this life’s road for you, and so will ease you, I am
told, of the burden of all those attendant troubles common to this
life. And of course, if you fail to pay what was promised, the Devil
will exact from you a higher price than you ever meant to pay.
"Once
more he stept into the street; And to his lips again, Laid his long
pipe of smooth, straight cane; And ere he blew three notes (such
sweet, Soft notes as yet musician’s cunning, Never gave the
enraptured air) There was a rustling, that seemed like a bustling,
Of merry crowds justling at pitching and hustling, Small feet were
pattering, wooden shoes clattering, Little hands clapping, and
little tongues chattering, And, like fowls in a farm-yard when
barley is scattering, Out came the children running. All the little
boys and girls, with rosy cheeks and flaxen curls, And sparkling
eyes and teeth like pearls, Tripping and skipping, ran merrily
after, The wonderful music with shouting and laughter. The Mayor was
dumb, and the Council stood, As if they were changed into blocks of
wood, Unable to move a step, or cry, To the children merrily
skipping by--- And could only follow with the eye, That joyous crowd
at the Piper’s back." Let's pause for a moment.
Everything thus far
in the story seems to be fine. The children are happy, (so it seems)
and we, as parents, even begin to talk to ourselves in this way:
"Let's just go only a little bit away from the precepts and commands
of God." “Listen,” we parents say,
"Let our children choose for
themselves alone the path they want to take to find their life
mate."
III. The Children Left To Themselves Are Spoiled (Or Ruined)
Now let's see what happens to the children following the Pied Piper
in our story.
"… And after him the children pressed; great was the
joy in every breast. He never can cross that mighty top! “He’s
forced to let the piping drop, and we shall see our children stop!
When, lo! As they reached the mountain’s side, a wondrous portal
opened wide, as if a cavern was suddenly hollowed; and when all were
in to the very last, the door in the mountain side shut fast."
Yes, the children are going down! Look at the divorces and broken
homes! What began as a trickle will end with a flood. The strangest
figure has “walked this way from his painted tombstone" to do for us
his service. He is able
“by means of a secret charm, to draw” our
children away to their destruction through a vain deceptive
philosophy. He is A Pied Piper!
He is our adversary. He is the
Devil, himself, and he now has for several generations, mesmerized
us, and
TOTALLY distracted us through a vain philosophy of his own
very special making. This
VAIN THING has been
TOTALLY adopted by our
nation. This vain philosophy is called
DATING. We have forgotten the
warning of Colossians 3:18.
“Beware lest any man spoil you through
philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the
rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.”
IV. Set Your Heart Aright
What, then, is
“after Christ”? The answer is THE BOOK! Fathers!
Mothers! Young persons ...
LOOK in the Bible! Believe
THE BIBLE!
Memorize The Bible! Meditate in The Bible! Take it for your own
heart-felt practices.
DETERMINE in your heart to build your
relationships on scriptural principles found in God's Holy Writ.
Always go the way through faith ... in
THE BOOK.
“Now Faith is the
substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But
without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to
God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that
diligently seek him.” [Hebrews 11:1,6]. Be sure you are
IN CHRIST
JESUS! Yes,
SAVED by the blood of The Lamb of God. Saved from the
eternal wrath of God, and going to heaven! Saved! Saved! Saved!
Amen!
V. Dating Your Purity Away ... To Your Destruction!
The tradition of dating began early in this century. It began as a
deceptively benign little trickle. The first fruit of it was not so
visible. Some of you who are older, no doubt, never experienced the
worst of the awful scars we see in the generation coming up today.
These awful scars are manifested in so many lives by the loss of
virtue, purity and a clean heart. The fornications, adulteries and
the resulting broken homes and marriages have attested to the
witness that this big
MESS all started when we left off from the
Bible precept of
BETROTHING
The practice of
DATING started in the
destructive wake of our national departure from our roots as a
people who were founded on the precepts and principles of God's word
... The Holy Bible. What then ... Is this thing called
DATING?
Dating is an appointment, or series of appointments, made by the
young man and the young woman ... who have an interest in each other
... which involves a planned time, and a planned place ... together,
and quite often,
ALONE. This is
NOT WISE! I do not have to say why.
It is obvious! More than this, the dating tradition does not have
marriage to that person primarily in view.
The Dating Practice is a
series of
"tasting relationships" where the young man or young woman
gives away their purity degree by degree to others. Courting, on the
other hand, is an act of a man wooing in love a woman, and has, as
its primary goal ... betrothal and therefore, marriage. Courting is,
therefore, NOBLE in its intentions. In contrast, Dating is rooted in
selfish goals and impure thoughts, and its horrible fruit (and I say
ITS HORRIBLE FRUIT) is seen in the loss of purity and in defiled
consciences, which hobble the future marriages, and produce the
flood of broken homes. What begins as a trickle … ends with a flood.
Dating sacrifices on the
"altar of the now" what God meant to be
enjoyed on the
"altar of the marriage covenant." Dating seeks the
immediate fleshly satisfaction. Courting has the noble goal ... a
lasting beautiful marriage. Dating is throwing your faith, purity
and virtue away to yours, and your children's,
DESTRUCTION.
VI. God's Master Plan ... Betrothing!
What is
BETROTHING?
We can say this. It has its origin in The Holy
Bible, and is first seen in the book of Genesis in the story of Issac and Rebekah. Betrothing has marriage in view as the primary
goal. In this view also is seen, through the eye of faith, Jesus
Christ, who is to be the foundation of that marriage.
The Betrothing
process includes the participation of the parents in the whole of
the matter. The fathers are to be especially involved, being
responsible for guiding and protecting the two young persons in this
most awe-inspiring and important decision in their lives.
The
development of the special relationship between the two young
persons should be promoted in this particular order.
1. The Spiritual Relationship
The spiritual relationship to God and each other should be the first
bond developed, so as to be close, as possible, to the biblical
ideal of betrothing.
2. The Friendship Relationship
This is where the two begin to get to know each other, becoming
emotionally bonded. This will occur at appointed times, and always
before the families of all involved. (Never are they to be alone
together!)
3. The Physical Relationship
The physical relationship is to be last for good reason. Two
becoming one flesh is the very essence and center of the marriage
bond.
"Therefore shall a man leave father and mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
[Genesis 2:24]
VII. The Bible Path To ... Betrothing!
For the God-fearing young man, the woman he marries should be a
woman of faith,
“a true daughter of Sara,” (whose daughters ye
are---1 Peter 3:6). She should be
“faithful in all things.”
[1
Timothy 3:11]
She should be pure, and clean, and totally committed
to the Lord Jesus Christ, separated unto God, and not in love with
this present world. For the young woman, the man she marries should
be a saved by the blood,
BORN AGAIN BELIEVER, and he should be as
Christ is to the Church. He needs to be a man who will love his wife
by giving up his life for her ... in order to promote her ... and to
cherish her. [Ephesians 5:25-30]
The Bible path to betrothing has
these seven components:
1. "A Learning Time"
2. "A Foundation: It Is Not Good To Be Alone"
3. " A Pattern!"
4. "An Invitation To The Special Person"
5. "A Building Block"
5. "A Display Of Wise Behavior"
6. "An Agreement!"
1. "The Learning Time"
The learning time is a waiting time. It is a period of time when we
are to be growing up under the authority of our parents, and
focusing on the development of our character in Jesus Christ. (I
emphasize this, that a person needs to be truly born again.) It is
truly a time when we need the protection of our parents.
2. "The Foundation: It Is Not Good To Be Alone"
For a foundation, we need to go to the book of Genesis, and see a
truth that is imbedded there. It is concerning the order of the
creation. The order in the creation is so very important. In all
that, God created in those first six days (including Adam), the work
would not be complete until He created the woman. God would not
allow the evening of the sixth day to come until He
"squared off"
with His declaration of Genesis 2:18.
In God's infinite wisdom and
intention, by a wondrous design, Adam needed to experience
loneliness before receiving his help meet. It was for this end, and
for this reason, so that God would have this declared of him.
“And
the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I
will make him an help meet for him.” [Genesis 2:18]
Adam would have
to be made to feel his loneliness. This was in two ways.
“And out of
the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every
fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would
call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that
was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the
fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there
was not found an help meet for him.” [Genesis 2:19-20]
First: Adam
would have to see God's design in the order of the creation by
observing the distinctiveness of both "the male" and "the female" in
the naming of the creatures before him. Adam pondered much in his
heart and was filled with great wonder.
"Wow! I am ALONE, I have no
counterpart."
3. " The Pattern!"
Genesis 24 gives us a pattern that consists of these types, and we
can see the relationships.
A. Abraham's Heart Turned Toward His Son
In Genesis chapter 24, we see in his old age that Abraham was
concerned about his son, and who he should marry. Oh, my! If only
fathers today had this concern for their sons! Abraham already had
what the Spirit of God prophesied concerning the future ministry of
John the Baptist.
"And he shall go before him in the spirit and
power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children".
Abraham's heart was turned to his son. Abraham, therefore,
commissions his servant to take a journey for the express purpose to
"take a wife unto my son Isaac". (Vs.4)
B. The Servant's Commission
This unnamed servant then, is a type of the ministry of the Holy
Ghost today in the dispensation of the church. He is the third
person of the triune God that is revealed throughout the Book of
God. He is shown to be present in the
"Us" of Genesis 3:22
"And the
Lord God said, behold the man is become one of us." The ministry of
the servant is to do the Father's bidding for the Son.
"Howbeit when
he, the spirit of truth is come, he will guide you into all truth:
for he shall not speak of himself; but what soever he shall hear,
that shall he speak: and will shew you things to come. He shall
glorify me: for he shall receive of mine and shall shew it unto
you." [John 16:13-19]
C. The Servant Goes To Kindred Far Away To Bring A Bride Home For
The Son
The servant of Abraham is made to
"swear by the Lord, the God of
heaven." "And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house,
that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my
thigh: And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven,
and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my
son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou
shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my
son Isaac." A son or daughter who is a true Christian (
A BIBLE
BELIEVER) should not marry an unbeliever. (See II Corinthians 6) Careful here! Be very careful.
D. The Woman is Fair And Pure
"And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had
any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her
pitcher, and came up." The servant sees the first sign of the woman
of Proverbs 31 in Rebekeh.
E. The Woman Is Industrious
"And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water
for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted,
and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well
to draw water, and drew for all his camels." The servant sees the
second sign of the woman of Proverbs 31 in Rebekeh.
F. The Bride's Parents (Or Family) Hear The Invitation
"And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said,
The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and
I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.
And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the LORD, and blessed the
LORD God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to
take my master's brother's daughter unto his son. And now if ye will
deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me;
that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left."
The God-vested
authority of the parents is recognized. They form the defensive
perimeter to protect their daughter ... from the destructive
relationships outside. Rebekah chooses to enjoy her protective
cocoon till the right man comes at the right time!
G. And Give Their Consent
"Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from
the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is
before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's
wife, as the LORD hath spoken." If God is in it ... then the hearts
of the parents will be moved to consent. Faith! Trust!
H. The Maiden Receives The Invitation And Makes Her Choice
"And they said, We will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth.
And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this
man? And she said, I will go." The young woman enjoys from within
the protective cocoon of God's blessed provision, in his infinite
wisdom and mercy, that he has made to shelter a young woman ... from
the wrong man ... in a wrong marriage. Rebekah was most blessed to
have her parents protecting and guiding her in this process ... of
who to marry. She said:
“I WILL GO!” She had a choice! And she was
able to make that choice ...
IN COMPLETE SAFETY! Amen!
I. The Marriage
"And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in
the south country. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at
the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the
camels were coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw
Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she had said unto the servant,
What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the
servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a veil, and
covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had
done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took
Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was
comforted after his mother's death."
4. "The Invitation ... To The Special Person"
Your intentions should be clear to all around concerning this
special person. They should be pure! They should be noble.
Immediately relate your intentions concerning her (or him) to your
father and mother. First promote the spiritual relationship with a
spiritual invitation. Psalm 34:3 is just such a type of invitation
that promotes a proper show of intent. All should meditate therein.
"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together."
Psalm 34:3 is to be a type of a foundation invitation.
5. "Lay The Building Block"
The passage in Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 is the
"building block".
"Two are
better than one; because they have good reward for their labor. For
if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that
is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
[Ecclesiastes 4:9-10]
To understand this building block refer back to
the foundation truth of Genesis 2:18;
"And the Lord God said, It is
not good that the man should be alone." You need to be prepared by
the principle, that man ought not be alone in life's journey, and
that his labor on the earth will be impaired and yea, even come to
naught without his helpmeet. Yes! Two are better than one! The
helpmeet is the complementary and essential other half to make a man
whole. Without the woman, a man is incomplete. Look at the warning
in verse 10; the
"woe to him that is alone" amplifies the truth of
Genesis 2:18. If he is alone...and falls, the results are often
tragic.
6. "Display Wise Behavior"
Determine to behave yourself wisely. Consider David's behavior in
these verses in 1 Samuel 18:5,14,15,30.
Vs.5
"And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved
himself wisely..."
Vs.14
"And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the
Lord was with him."
Vs.15
"Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely,
he was afraid of him."
Vs.30 "
that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants
of Saul; so that his name was much set by."
There should be no physical relationship at all till the marriage.
You ought to allow:
1. No holding of the hands.
2. No hugging.
3. And no kissing.
Amen! Amen! Amen!
Keep all these physical interactions for the marriage. Do not fall
for philosophy that is
"vain" ... that is being piped to you by the
Pied Piper.
The First Six Components In Review...
In having given the invitation to that special person;
"O magnify
the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together,"
[Psalm 34:3]
and having established with her (or him)
"the lynch pin" which is
the underlying basic truth that
"two are better than one" and with
keeping Genesis 2:18 in the foreground,
"And the LORD God said, It
is not good that the man should be alone," convey to her (or him)
your commitment to
"behave myself wisely" in to this whole matter of
pursuing the marriage relationship. Four times in one chapter of the
old black Book the Spirit of God inscribed the words
"behaved
himself wisely" in describing David's actions before Israel.
You
need to
"provide things honest in the sight of all men."
[Romans
12:17] Acts chapter 24, verse 16 needs to be maintained as your
desire,
"And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a
conscience void of offense toward God, and toward men." Your special
relationship should not involve the holding of each other hands nor
touching each other and you should not kiss her until the day of
your marriage.
7. (And Lastly) "Come To Agreement!"
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"
[Amos 3:3] This
then, becomes the central pillar to support the walk of two together
-----
AGREEMENT! Is there, then, agreement on the issues of life? It
is imperative to search each other out concerning the beliefs and
practices. This searching will
"clear the air" and give
"no
uncertain sound."
If you have these seven components, you are on the Bible path to
betrothing. I will list them again. The components are:
1. A Learning Time
2. A Foundation
3. A Pattern!
4. An Invitation
5. A Building Block
6. A Display Of Wise Behavior
7. An Agreement!
Psalms 78:1-8
"Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of
my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark
sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have
told us. We will not hide them from their children, showing to the
generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and
his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a
testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he
commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their
children: That the generation to come might know them, even the
children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to
their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not
forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: And might not be
as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation
that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast
with God."
Young person ...
FLEE THE DATING WAY! Resist the Devil in this
thing! Resist the Pied Piper Of Dating! Do not try to find your own
mate through the practice of
DATING. Parents ...
TAKE and
HOLD the
basic scriptural principles of
BETROTHING found in God's BOOK. Teach
them to your sons and daughters so that they can find their mate for
life God's
WAY.
BETROTHING is the way, because it is The
LORDS way
to finding ones mate. Amen! Amen! Amen!
End of The Age Messages
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